Letter from Julie & Peter

For Sandy, with love: Some reflections near to the occasion of your 62nd birthday.

One of your many gifts Dear Sandy is that you are an inspired gardener. The magnificent garden you created at Egoline was a joy to many. No artificial flowers for you, only the authentic, beautiful and impermanent "real thing."

Impermanence is a central teaching in the Buddhist spiritual tradition. It teaches us that life does not continue unending, and that death is an essential part of all life. The rose, buds, blossoms, blooms and then the petals fall... the cycle continues. So it is for all of us. And you Beloved Friend, and fiercely magnificent woman, lead the way as you journey toward the end of your life with us. Thank you for lighting the way and for showing us the splendour of a fully realised life as you bloom with love and gratitude in your final days.

The unique beauty that you have brought to the garden of experience for your family and friends is unforgettable. Your spirited and determined energy, your clarity and integrity, your forthright honesty and your grace, beauty, generosity and womanly Sandy-ness has been a delight to us, thank you.

Your work here is nearly done Sandy. Go gently forward, knowing that what ever is around the corner, you have nothing to fear.

You are loved beyond measure.

And our loving good wished travel with you as you journey forth.

As ever

Julie & Peter

Service Proceedings

Sandy Martin
12th May 1945 - 22nd September 2007

 

Pinaroo
27th September 2007

 

"A human being is a single being. Unique and unrepeatable."

 

"And in my fleeting lifespan time went rushing by, I found some time to hesitate, to laugh, to love to cry... I was here, I used it all, and now I am at peace"

My name is Leanne Young and I am a civil celebrant. On behalf of the family of Sandy Martin I thank everyone for coming to this ceremony today, for it is always those who love the most who most miss the one they love. Sandy asked me to tell you all that 'dying was a joy' as she faced the last days of her life surrounded by those she loved more than any others.

In so many ways death unites us all. Sandy's life and death, for a time has demanded that each of us put aside our toils, our cares, our business, our pleasures, perhaps even our folly's to unite ourselves with everyone here, as fellow mourners sharing in the common bond of the loss of Sandy.

 

We have come together to mourn her leaving, to honour her life and her death, reverently, and meaningfully farewelling her body and to comfort each other.

We come knowing all human life is valuable, that the truth, integrity and hopefulness, which resides in each life lives on. We come knowing that Sandy's life, which we celebrate today and for which we now experience great loss, is joined in the eternal continuum of human endeavour stretching into the past and into the future.

Sandy's life was lived in its uniqueness with us and has now passed into the ultimate community of human existence with all its embracing diversity.

None of us knows the whole truth about what lies beyond death. Each of us will have our own beliefs in relation to that mystery. What we do know at this moment is that the life of this one whom we have loved lives on in us in a multitude of ways. Some of us will find that life within our own lives and memories; others will experience a sense of presence into the future.

It is a time like this that we stop the onrush of life, pause for a while (a half an hour is all Sandy was willing to allow us today) and reflect on Sandy's life. Sandy was a unique woman and today you can recall the experiences and the relationships you shared with her. As we celebrate her life today you can take comfort and satisfaction that Sandy has been and still is an integral part of your life. Her influence endures and will continue throughout the lives of those she has loved and lived for.

Last Wednesday Sandy asked me to reach into the drawer beside her bed and take from it a loving reflection from her beloved friend Denise's much loved sister Julie and brother-in-law Peter. She asked if I could read it on the day of her funeral service. What Sandy asks for, I realised, she gets.

Letter from Julie - Entry to follow

I now invite Denise to deliver lovingly, caringly and generously the story of Sandy's life...a life that has been lived and for all that her life has meant to us.

Denise eulogy - Entry to follow

Sandy's dear godmother Patty has some words she would like to share in memory of Sandy.

Patty's poem/reading - Entry to follow

In Sandy's words she said 'if anyone must speak they can, but absolutely no more than 1 minute'. So if there is anyone here who has a brief story to tell of a need to express their love of their grief in the sacredness of this chapel please do so however I will be honouring Sandy's very clear wishes and timekeeping!

Reflection - Entry to follow

We will now pause for a moment's reflection. For some this will be a time of prayer, for all of us a time to reflect silently on Sandy's courage and the meaning her life had for us. If there is anything you would like to place on Sandy's casket or if you would like to whisper a farewell you are invited to do so now.

Please stand for our final farewell. As we come to this moment of farewell part of our grief may be regret for things done or left undone, words said or never said or moments that have never happened. This is the time to lay aside all those regrets and to honour the spirit of Sandy herself who would not want them carried into your futures. Let us receive this gift of generosity from Sandy and go forward in peace.

Tenderly and reverently Sandy's body will soon be committed to the purifying fired, grateful for a life that has been lived and for all that her life has meant.

We give thanks for a life lived with courage, integrity, honesty and determination. It is not the length of the life which is important, it is the shape and spaciousness; for therein lays the potential for a beautiful freedom. It is the roundness of life that matters. A round life is surely a happy life and dare I say it a good life.

 

So we too should resolve that while we live we will strive to make our living too of real worth and carry to others the goodness of living as Sandy did.

Thus thinking of Sandy let us leave this place in quietness of spirit, conscious of Sandy's love and friendship resolved to live this way toward each other.

"The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down but gentle warmth still lingers on the land.
The music stops and yet it lingers on in sweet refrain.
For every joy that passes something beautiful remains."

For now please make your way through the door where you can gather for a moment longer.

 

Leanne Young
Authorised Civil Celebrant

The Longest Wake

Following Sandy's funeral ceremony, guests were invited back to Hinkler for refreshments and food.

Although I didn't get to see everyone, I know that a lot of people made the short treck back to Mil and Sandy's home to give a final harah and show their support to family and friends. Your time was appreciated.

Despite having an earlier "Pre-Wake" in May this year, where around 80 of Sandy's invited friends came to see her, it was difficult trying to estimate what was required for this wake. Thankfully Donna was placed in charge and was able to pull together an amazing party in a very short time. Because of such clever organising there was no shortage of refreshments, food or good laughter all night long. Donna was supported on the night by Julie Morgan who was never seen standing still making sure everything was in good supply. Sincere thank you to both Donna and Julie.

I believe the final harah lasted well into the early hours of the morning.

Beautiful Ceremony

The funeral for Sandra Martin was held yesterday amongst the native bushland of Pinnaroo Crematorium. I think everyone there would agree that the light rain was a very calming and cleansing climate for the service where some masterful arranging and performances ensured that Sandy received the funeral that she would have been proud of. Our sincerest of thanks to the following people from all of Sandy's friends and family.

• Phillip and the drivers from Simplicity Funerals,
• Leanne for her calming and sincere celebrant skills,
• Denise who managed to summarise a life full of never ending adventures,
• Sandy's godmother Pattie and her son Peter with a wonderful poem so aligned with Sandy and her artwork,
• Friend and surrogate family, Mil with her delightful description of such a lovely vessel,
• John and Penny for taking time out of their busy schedule to play such wonderful music

and

all 160 wonderful people who took time out of their busy lives to come and see Sandy on her final big adventure.

She will be missed, however her spirit will never be far from all the people who have known her.
We thank you all.

All going well, we will be posing transcripts of the ceremony for those who could not be there.

Funeral Arrangements

The funeral for Sandy will be held as follows:

Thursday 27th of September at 2:00pm
at Pinaroo Valley Memorial Park
Whitfords Avenue, Padbury

Passing

Nellie Sandra Martin passed peacefully and beautifully just past midday today.

Many sincere thanks to everyone who has been sending their warmth and loving to Sandy, her family and friends in this emotional and painful period. I only hope that this journal has been of benefit and reassurance to all the many people who were not able to be with her. It's certainly been healing for myself during a terribly painful yet confirming experience. Thank you all.


We will be posting funeral arrangements here (and in the paper) when they are known.

David

Settled

Wonderful Edwin from Silver Chain arrived this morning to see Sandy. He has managed to be a relief to all of us here with his effortless movements in making Sandy comfortable. We've got new sheets for the day and a good position on the bed.

Believe it or not!

Sandy is still here with us. Those of us here in the house took turns to sleep and to be by Sandy's side. More joyful singing, some silent spaces and just gently being.

another angel arrived during the night to administer additional soothing drugs so that Sandy's distress is minimal. It is unbelievably hard, as we know you will know, to not be able to do anything except wait with her.

We are certain that she feels the level of love and support with which you are enveloping her.

Nothing's Happening

Not much has been happening since the last update. Sandy has been sleeping soundly since she received the additional pump with sedatives.

Everyone here is getting to the point of beyond tired, which is helping to relieve the tension as we find most things entertaining. Thankfully we have dedicated visitors who are of sounder mind to keep us in check and make sure we get some needed rest.

Not your average girl

Every time, she amazes us all. Sandy is still responding to conversations going on around her. She gets frustrated that she isn't able to tell us what she wants, but we are managing to sort things out and get her settled again.

She's doing sleeping mostly, so there's a lot of sitting and keeping company.

Suzi from silver chain was back today, and she was really surprised to be here again. She was so lovely to all of us here and gave a chat to everyone about what's going on and how Sandy is going to be over the night. When asked about time, Suzi had a hard time saying, not because she didn't want to say, but because "Sandy's not your average girl," the average girl would not be here.

So much love coming into this house from all around the world. Thank you all.

A strong woman

Nothing to tell you just now. Taking turns here to sit with our beloved Sandy. Music now playing.

Lovely Lois here again. silver Chain nurses' attention has been incredible. They are kind, caring, gentle and dedicated to making sure Sandy is as comfortable as possible and as able as possible to put all her attention on what she needs to do.

Family taking care of family in different households and all supporting each other. Sandy would be delighted to be responsible for all of this.

Talk to you all soon.

Our decision is that we will inform you all when Sandy passes only after we have been able to contact all family not able to be here with us at the moment.

Spring Day

Well, what can I say.

Lovely Lois from Silver Chain is here again to refil Sandy's pump, so that she can rest easy and not be distressed.

It looks like the weather was too nice to leave just yet.

One more day

Still here, surrounded by friends and family.

Breathing is quite laboured, but going strong.

3am Stir

Around half two this morning Sandy was getting restless and short of breath. The house was woken and everyone here was by her side, nobody knowing what to expect. After attempts to settle Sandy, the night nurse was called to give her a fast acting sedative.

An hour or so later and Sandy is back resting, Mil, Cathy, Margie, Denise, Donna and Peg still by her.

Night time again

Been a good day today. There's been ups and downs but all in all, a good day.

Sandy manage to get sleep through to about half eight when the Katherine from SilverChain showed up. In the middle of us deciding not to wake her to adjust her position, she popped her head up and took over the decision - typical!

After a fair amount of settling she's back in a sleeping pose and happily resting.

All hands

There's been a great group of supporting people keeping the house buzzing and working.

There's been a couple of errand runs to the bottle shop, Melanie is on her way now, Rick did a run last night.

Pete Kirby, Jamie and Katrina were busy today in the sunshine doing a bit of a yard clean up. I think the comment when clearing out the gutters was "Where do you want this bit of garden?" as they took out the growing moss and greenery.

Lee, Denise Munro and Peggy have been busy providing much needed support to everyone with back rubs and massages.

After time with Sandy today, Rick is taking Jaala-Jade and Alexander to visit Grandpa who's stuck in Fremantle hospital with a mending hip. They are then going to see Grandma at the Rapanaros' as she's with Tony.

Denise Stone has been the meal queen, pulling together a lunch, dinner or anything with love and help from Katrina and Chris Cairns. Thanks to all the food that everyone has been secretly putting in fridges, bench's and cupboards.


Tony has cooked us up a huge bowl of pasta for everyone, and we all know how fast his pasta goes!

Singing! My has there been singing at this place. Sandy is being serenaded by three lovely ladies singing like angels. Mil, Melanie and Peg are three talented and wonderful ladies.

Breathing strong

Sandy has manages to get some sleep, with the help of the SilverChain nurse. She's comforted with one or two visitors who are sitting quitely (no talking remember).

Her breathing is strong and deep. There's no distress now she's settled.

Rememberances

There's been so many nice and interesting things said around Sandy at the moment that we thought it would be nice to share some of them with you here.

Little Rick
Sandy "Oh Richard, such a nice kind boy." to Richard (nephew) who then stood over Sandy and gave a great big hug and held her.

MaggieMay
Sandy "Oh Maggie can we play play"
Margie "We will always play play, we'll never stop playing"

Tutu
Sandy "Take it off..."
Donna "take what off?"
Sandy "Your tutu - take your tutu off."

The Book
Every visitor that arrived on Wednesday was instructed to view the Book. Sandy has been working on a pair of scrap books for the grandchildren, it's all but finished and shows many photos of family over the generations and memories for Matthew and Nathan.

What's been nicked!
Late last night Sandy was eager to get out of bed. When asked why she needed to get up she replied "I have to go and walk around the house to see if anything's been stolen!"

If you have any anecdotes or stories about Sandy that you would like to share, please add them to the comments or email David or Sandy and I'll post them up for you.

LETTING GO

Lovely Lois from Silver Chain now here with Sandy again. Earlier today Lois put in a sub cutaneous point of entry with a pain management pump so that Sandy didn't need to struggle wtih taking orally any more of the pill cocktails helping her through this.

Sandy has been experiencing more difficulty with her breathing and Lois is now preparing a fast acting sedative, to be followed by a slow acting sedative so as to help Sandy settle and to be as comfortable as possible as she prepares for this final stage.

Sandy, unable earlier to do anything other than try and respond to everything that she hears, has just requested no more talking. She is content to be surrounded by love in silence.

This is obviously not such an easy thing to do - to let go.

Thankyou for sending her your goodbyes.

No more pills!

The nurse has given Mum a sub-cutenious needle so that she now has methodone on a constant flow. This will mean she is sleeping more but won't be in as much pain. The big thing is there's no more annoying people waking her up to feed her a dose of pills, much relief for Sandy.

People are arriving again.

Feeling very loved

Medicine having desired effect. Sandy calmer and less distressed. Lee arrived with pastries, Sandy commented is it a picnic day? Is very aware of what colours people are wearing. Doesn't like brown, brighter colours are preferred for us while she is choosing white for herself.

She is glad to know Jamie is caring for their Dad. Helene is with Tony as Marg and Donna are here.

Thursday night with a sip of champagne Sandy declared "I feel so full of love I could explode". She is appreciating the love of her children, siblings, family and friends and is welcoming all messages of love received from you.

Morning arrives

Sandy had a good few hours sleep last night - once she settled. Waking at 4am to Mil, Denise and Cathy's care and attention. A few more hours rest before everyone else arose.

Feeling a bit discontent with still being here this morning, she keeps asking why she's still here and apologises for wasting everyone's time. Silly lady!

Managed to get some more medicine into her this morning and she's settling again.

Sleeping at last

After much coughing and distress, Sandy has fallen asleep and is snoring effortlessly.

Everyone here has found a bed and is getting some rest. All is quiet apart from the comforting sound of the oxygen machine in the hallway.

Tough night

It looks like it's a bit of a difficult night. Sandy's having trouble stopping coughing long enough to get to sleep. Hopefully she'll be tired enough to sleep regardless soon.

Exhausing day

Coming to the end of a long day of visitors, Sandy is doing well.

It's so very exhausting having so many loving visitors and you have to perk up for them all. This means there's lots of sleeping to be had at every chance you can get. Thankfully the new bed is being of some help in this matter and after much repositioning a comfortable spot can be found.

Going to be a long night, but there will be lots of hands on deck.

Alert and well

After her big sleep at lunch time, Sandy is now alert and providing comments on everything.

Morning Photo's

This morning the friends organised a photo shoot for Sandy to show off her wonderful jewelery. Here's a shot showing how good she was this morning.

Big smiles

Sandy has woken up and is quite alert now. She's being entertained by siblings, children, neices and nephews. Eager to let everyone know how absolutely wonderful they all are.

Arrived

Fresh in from the airport Cathy and Donna have arrived to big smiles and messages from the young grandchildren.

Having a snooze

Having a bit of a sleep at the moment, but happily surrounded by a few family and friends.

Nephew Rick arrived on the way to the airport. He's off to collect Cathy and Donna who are flying in from Albury/Wodonga. The plane is delayed but the should be here soon after 2 o'clock. Will be really nice for Sandy and Cathy to see each other again.

Unfortunately the grandkids couldn't be organised to come at such short notice.

Visitors filing through

Today Sandy is having lots of visitors. Here's a shot of her posing for a photo with Helene.

Visitors today so far are Denise and Alexander Munro, friends Lee and Denise, ex Brian and son David. Helene was delivered safely thanks to Margie.

All going well, but keeping alert is difficult for her.

New Bed Arriving

A new bed for Sandy has arrived so that she can sleep more comfortably. This will hopefully give her a more comfortable nights sleep.

Progress update

Sandy is in good mind and not too much pain.

Not having a lot of luck staying awake and focused for more than a few minutes, but she is reacting well to all her visitors.

Some interesting reading

http://jco.ascopubs.org/cgi/content/full/18/1/233

New Progress Site

Just set up this website (free online) as a place for interested parties to follow Sandy’s day to day progress.